The Royal Navy & Royal Marines Charity (RNRMC) spoke with Lieutenant Commander Chris ‘Arty’ Shaw and his wife Claire Shaw, parents to their 7-year-old autistic son Benjamin. The couple gave us insight into the experience of raising a neurodivergent child alongside Arty’s career in the Royal Navy, and how RNRMC has supported his family and others like them, in this journey.
Claire said: “For years, neurodiverse children and adults have been hidden from society because society enforces societal norms on learning, behaviour and thought processes. Even in today’s world there is so much misunderstanding.”
Arty, who decided to join the Royal Navy at an early age because of his grandfather’s Naval influence (serving in the Second World War in the Pacific Fleet) Arty has served for an expansive 33 years. Having had the pleasure of serving on various, prestigious ships: HMS Manchester, HMS Nottingham, HMS Newcastle, HMS York, HMS Richmond, HMS Illustrious and more. “To be able to serve 33 years, it's been a massive honour. I've had some amazing experiences, I've been in conflict, I've been in environments where we've assisted countries which have been through hurricane disaster relief, I've assisted the evacuation of British nationals from Libya, and so I've had a plethora of experiences which I can tell other people and give them my experiences and I've thoroughly enjoyed and loved the work and the job.” Arty openly shared.
Looking back
Claire reflected on early memories of her son Benjamin’s condition: “From the minute the healthcare worker said to me “oh his head is really big”, measured it then didn’t follow it up with “it’s okay “or “we should refer your son to your doctor” (it can be a physical characteristic of Autism), so you are left wondering as to what it meant but as a new parent trusting as they are the professionals”.
Arty remembers “When Benjamin was a young boy, he started to do things such as rocking in the high-chair. He also loved putting objects into lines, like little toy cars, and it was just one of those things where you looked at it and you just felt that, you know, what could this be? Because, you know, he was very much fixated on doing things like that, and we researched it and we did start it, and that was our research journey, which continues, that we're always researching for his benefit. It was at that point that we thought that there was something which we needed help with.”
New horizons
Claire has been vocally passionate about the need for change in the societal norms around neurodiversity that “tell us we shouldn’t question; they are after all the experts but experts in many fields only believe or enact processes and procedures in set ways because that is the way and what they been taught. A neurodiverse child or adult means we must look outside these perimeters, about communication, learning, process, respect, and acceptance.” Claire, dedicated to the cause and ardent, went on to say “We learn to question why over and over to give them the best chance because we must, as soon as you don’t question anymore because you are exhausted by the fight - to get your child the same right to provision and care, to enable them to learn in the way that help them be the best of themselves - that’s when they get forgotten by the system.”
A keen supporter of the RNRMC and the RNRMC Neurodiversity Navigator, Arty is kindly available to reach out for advice or thoughts. Arty is already communicating with various people with certain experiences and lives. “We just need to get it to a position where it is broadcast out to the Royal Navy and the Royal Marines that this is a facility that can be used by our sailors.”
Arty told RNRMC that “Benjamin is 7 now. He is very inquisitive. He is very cheeky. He loves climbing. He loves doing things which you would see, bouncing around, going in the swimming pool. He loves doing things, but he knows he can cut an audience with a smile. He is very infectious; he has an infectious smile and a laugh, and it just breaks everything. Even the coldest heart would be warmed by seeing him. He's an amazing child. We don't look at it as he has a non-visible disability, he has a superpower. His superpower is him and what he does, and it's just amazing. We learn more from him than he learns from us. Every day we learn something else special from him, which is amazing.”
Champions of neurodiversity
Arty has taken part in advisory group sessions becoming a Neurodiversity Champion to help inform RNRMC’s work going forward. He said: “I would like to thank the Royal Navy & Royal Marines Charity, particularly through the neurodiversity project, for giving me and my wife, Claire, the opportunity to help, and to enable us to impart our lived experiences which could ultimately help other people to make things possibly a bit less taxing or worrying, so that they can actually go on to the webpage, they can get the details, they can go on the chat forum, or a discussion page, and by literally looking through that we can communicate our experiences. It will help someone, and they won't feel like they're on their own.
Benjamin is extremely loved by everybody who knows him. He should live his life to the full and enjoy everything he does, and I hope that everything my wife and I do for him only helps him grow as a person, as an individual. We need to be in a place where he is happy, and he is a happy boy, and I look forward to him as he grows and we get older, and he is his own person, but we've given him that grounding and support that he can take his next life chapter away with him and do something for himself. That would be the best thing for me.”
Making a difference together
Claire added her final thoughts about living with neurodiversity “Some children/adults will never be able to communicate vocally but it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be heard. Some use sign language, some use a tablet, or visual aid cards. Their thoughts are just as valid as anyone who can use their voice. We learn all the time from our children how to celebrate the small things because in our world those are massive. There is not one regret we have being parents of an Autistic son, who also has Global Learning Developmental Delay and Hypermobility because Benjamin makes our family the best. We don’t know what the future holds, or what he can achieve. He may become one of the greatest scientists, or he may not, he can be anything he wants to be. For as long as we have a breath in our bodies, we will help fight his corner in a society that still has a lot to learn about acceptance, tolerance and how fabulous neurodiversity and neurodiverse children/adults are.”
Arty adds “I am more fulfilled as a parent, particularly as a parent of a child with neurodiversity, because I have learned more about how we can help each other. I have always been there to help people, but when it comes to neurodiversity and particularly for our son, it's at the forefront. If we don't help each other then things don't happen and talking to each other is so key. Helping each other with lived experiences just takes the pressure and stresses and strains of day-to-day life, which may not be necessary if we just work together. I think that's the key thing for me.”
Can you help us? Please join us...
The RNRMC is hosting a series of events, funded by the Armed Forces Covenant Fund Trust, to listen to people and hear about their views on what might need to change/be done differently for those who are serving, spouses and families with lived experience of neurodiversity, to make life better.
You are invited to join us and meet others who are also living with neurodiversity for a late continental breakfast (for those in person) and to share your thoughts around challenges you face, blocks and current support:
📍 Portsmouth – Thursday 10th October. 09:15 - 12:30.
Location: RNRMC, HMS Excellent, Whale Island, Portsmouth, PO2 8ER
📍 Plymouth – Thursday 10th October. 09:15 – 12:30.
Location: Crownhill Community Centre, Fort Road, Plymouth, PL6 5BX
💻 Online – Monday 7th October, 19:45 – 21:15.
Please register your interest by Friday 4th October so we can organise catering by clicking on the link below. .
Sign up here: https://forms.office.com/e/Z73XKWiWq6
